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What makes me who I am? Who makes me what I am? I can only know abstractly by the imaginative constructions I create from curiosity. At times I disbelief they are my own constructions, but already exist by their own right. Like the term "cornucopia". I didn't invent this term, but rather adopted it from an existing group of terms that somehow find a way of fitting themselves into my lexicon.
I found myself out of body nearing some "place". It was displaced from the abstract dimension associated with the sensory domain. Yet it was/is more real than what I dream up to comfort myself when I'm afraid no thing has more me-and-thee-ing than any thing else.
That's what meaning is to me. Whatever it takes to make a you that my me can try to find agreement with. As in "where there are two or more together, there am I" or more mundanely, "It takes two to tango." Maybe communication is the only-est thing that does need two to tango. That's why I use my poetic license to foolishly claim that meaning requires a me and a thee. Meanding. I wonder what happened to the "d"?
My obsession with me in the first person singular got replaced at so-me point in my life by an intrigue with the-more-of-me-than-you-can-see obsession. The more of me than anyone can see started including what I saw of myself in others. Freaked me out. Contrary to my presumed academic goal of individuation.
I like to have gone crazy trying to stop that process. Eventually there was nothing much left of me in the first person singular to fight for or about. That's how I began to understand that there ain't but one me, and each of us think we're that One me, and we are. That's the way I got it figured, but your milage may vary.
If I had real psychic power I would cause the huge Army helicopters hovering endlessly over my house to find some other place to practice their war games. Instead, they're coming here more frequently and staying longer.
I am helpless as an individual against the United States Army. It's not a joke. I seem convinced that if I complained again the Army's invasion of my privacy I would get a visit from Homeland Security. Maybe they would just threaten me or I might never be heard of again.
Apparently every person who lives in this area is just as helpless as me to do anything about it. Instead of protecting us against war the Army has declared war upon the very citizens it's sworn to protect. Sorta like my immune system has. During the first part of my life my immune system protected me. Now, in my dotage, my immune system has reversed roles and is now hell-bent on killing me.
The value of a human life is altogether personal. The only aspect of another person that any witness cares about is what they see of themselves in that other person's behavior. If the observed person gets killed, it's like a part of ourself as witness of their existence gets killed also.
If enough significant others in any one person's life get killed or naturally die close enough in time together, then the living have nothing of themselves left to live for, unless they stop investing in others as themselves, and bring it on home to the whole me.
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